Friday, May 16, 2014

Lack of time=patience MUST be a virtue.

It seem like I always hear some one say that "patience is a virtue" right when I am needing patience the most. And for me this is when I don't want to hear it the most. You hear it when your the most frustrated, angry or just about ready to throw in the towel and give up. I bet you have had a time when someone has said that to you. " Be patient" I certainly have, and that is when I want to let out my biggest verbal aggression at the poor victim or I might be thinking with a smile on my face" Bless your heart, your as dumb as dirt. How can you tell me in this situation to be patient?" Okay, so that might be a little rough especially since I have told my kids.. more then once, "that patience is a virtue"

Right now I need more patience then I think I can muster up. I have read and read on many blogs that when you are beginning a new DD or D/s relationship that the couple needs to have patience with each other. While I one hundred percent agree with this, firmly. I have to say that patience is probably a top priority in starting and maintaining  a DD or D/s relationship. I know your probably thinking to yourself that communication or something of the like is the most important key. For me, If I don't have patience my communication is going down hill very fast and then I find myself very angry and not listening and shutting down. Something that should really never have to happen. MD and I struggle with patience. What a pain when a married couple both are struggling with the same personal problem, especially when the personal problem is patience.

You noticed that my post is called Lack of Time=patience MUST be a virtue. I know,  what the heck is she talking about. At the moment MD and I have a definite lack of time between us and it is testing my patience, it is testing MDs patience too. We are still forming rules and boundaries and getting settled into a DD relationship which doesn't happen over night. It doesn't take much for me to get off tract if my routine is interrupted. Not seeing MD has been HARD. It throws me off tract. It's a little hard to stay in the correct mindset. Why do Subs and TiH have a hard time with this? Why do some Doms or HoH have a hard time with consistency when they are so busy? I would really like to hear for a Dominant or HoH answer this question and educate me. As for Submissive I follow the blog A Submissive Guide. (Which I recommend to all submissive to follow)  The title was preparing for time when your dominant is away. Even though MD isn't away from the home our time is very limited still and this is where patience MUST be a virtue. Read the article if you have time. LunaKM  gives some good advice.

Time and patience has been a trial for both of us and one that we have been working on together. It does not come easily for either of us. At all. It seem when it comes to family and kids we do great with patience, but when it comes to lack of time and seeing each other our patience flys out the window and we start to play the immature blame game. Sometimes it feels like one of us is all alone in trying to be patient. Like we re doing it all by our self and they other isn't trying at all. At times I feel I am the one working on patience and my sweet MD I know feels like he is the one holding things together with his patience. It's bad when we both are not being patient at the same time. Talk about passive aggressive non verbal ques darting back and forth to each other. You don't want to be at that moment in the line of fire. 

As MDs time has been focused on work during a huge growing period for his company he has been pretty occupied on other things then our DD relationship. He hasn't forgotten about it but he has been pretty relaxed in it. But every time MD has asked me to be patient with him, to trust him that everything will work out he always pulls through. And that is what he has asked me to do. I hate it when he does this because I know he is right. So right now in our marriage time is a challenge. We both need to learn Lack of Time=Patience MUST be a virtue.

I always remind myself who I am and who MD is. I love my sweet master more then anything. Showing patience (which I don't always do) is a way I show love to MD AND my family as well. Being impatient pushes MD away and as a submissive or TiH we don't want to disappoint our Dominant or HoH. And I feel I have many times. So next time I want to get all upset when MD is coming home late for a job that he is working for me. I need to step back and remember that me being patience is showing love to my wonderful husband.

Right now during one of our many trials that MD and I have had to over come we are both working on understanding each other in our area of patience. I am hoping with more patience on my part I can reduce some unnecessary stress in our marriage and have a happy, healthier relationship. I feel that if I can shift my perspective of how I think a situation should turn out I will be able to start the process of developing more patience. A lack or difference in perspective cause anger and impatience which in turn will cause conflict. I want to better understand MD and have more empathy and sympathy towards him.

MD has come to me and has told me that his schedule at work is crazy and that he needs to better manage it. I agreed with him.. totally. I think I was actually beyond agreeing with him if that's even possible. If MDs work load and scheduled is maintained and efficient for him he is able to keep track of task and obligations which will help him with is patience. This will come through in his home life. If he is over stressed and not efficient he is not has patient. Talk about a grumbly bear. He will be rushed and not paying attention even when he is home and not working. At one point MD was waking up just 40 mins before he had to be out the door for work. Which resulted in being very rushed. We sat down and had a discussion about this and we both agreed that if he gave up a little sleep he would have an hour in the morning with the family while everyone is talking, dressing and eating breakfast and it would give him time to think about us and being the HoH. That little extra time means a lot to me also. So managing work load and making priorities is a plus for MD. It helps him with his patience.

Patience is definitely a character trait for MD and I to develop and continue. Patience is a time tested virtue. And we our sure testing it out. I believe we will see patience as a gift to each other.

Oh! did I forget to say? Prom night is coming up for our two last at home teenage kids. This might be a good chance to catch some alone time. I see a kinky evening for us this weekend. Much needed one. I haven't had a good spanking in a couple of weeks. And I could certainly could use one! 

Patience has its limits. Take it too far, and it's cowardice. - George Jackson
Patience is the best remedy for every trouble. - Titus Maccius Plautus
Everything comes to him who waits. - English ProverbAnd this

Monday, May 12, 2014

What makes for a good submissive day for you? Assigment from MD

This is an assignment that MD gave me about 3 weeks ago. He wanted to me write him and tell him what would make a good submissive day for me... in four sentences!  I am a more complex person to just write 4 sentences. Like naming four things would make a good submissive day for me. Doesn't work that way. It's not that easy. I looked at the whole question and really gave it some time. I thought  about the areas that we both could work on. Since submission is something on a daily basis that needs attention and progress I took the opportunity to look deep at the things that holds myself and MD back from moving forward. I did know right off that consistency was a HUGE factor on both our parts. I had read from one submissive on her blog that sometimes to help your Master/Dominant be more consistent or more dominant I just need to do my part and be submissive even if there isn't  consistency on MD part. I took that to heart. When MD isn't being  dominant I stay in my part and submitted to him. It's hard sometimes. It's a work in progress. I think this little advice has helped. Submitting is something I can always do better. We both can do our part better. But even when MD isn't being dominant he is still "My Sweet Master" I love him and he does everything he can to make home life good for me our kids. This is what I wrote three weeks ago. I have learned more since then. Even if this was just 3 weeks ago. I wanted to share one of the trials we have been trying to work through. Now instead of waiting for him to be more dominant I try to submit as much as possible. But this is where I was just a short three weeks ago. I 'm glad I now see how selfish I was sounding so can approve and move forward. I still feel the things I mention in here are important and need them. I have also learned to be more patient with MD and JUST SUBMIT while he is still figuring  out what is best for us.

If I could rewrite the word consistency in 4 sentence to show how that would make for a good submissive day I would. But I know that is not what you are really wanting from me.Consistency has a huge impact on how my day goes in regards to me being submissive. I will state that if there was full consistency on your part it will help me to be consistent with my responsibilities allowing me to focus on learning how to anticipate your needs and wants. What I have learned from a lot of reading is that we both have responsibilities. Mine will typically be to please, obey, trust, learn, and respect. If we can get past the inconsistency and get this one down I know I could learn to please you, obey, definitely trust, learn from you and all that together respect will have a higher different meaning. I have a great deal of respect for you but I know the more dominant you are the more submissive I will become which in turn will become a deeper respect.

So to start, consistency on your part for now would make a good submissive day for me. But there is more that will help.

There are four things I feel through doing a lot of research and reading and trying to understand why I need this kind of relationship will help me have a good submissive day. And these four things flow together for me. It makes total since to me so I hope I can say my words to help you understand where I’ m coming from. There isn’t just a few  physical acts that make for a good submissive day me. yeah starting out some days with a spanking would be nice but that won’t do in the end ( no pun intended) It’s more of a mindset and a psychological one, it’s trust and understanding.
There are four things that flow and go hand in hand for me and I would think many other submissives would agree.  And they are:

consequence/corrections ( I don't like to use the word punishment )

Not one of these can be left out for me. They all help with a mindset. Each one needs to be in place working together. I know that it takes time and things will waver back and forth but in general this needs to happen for me to truly be submissive. I think you want all four of these things too. I would add another word in there that also starts with a C and that is control. Doms want control. Im willing to give you control and even more of myself in the future if we work through this and figured out.

We should have full open communication. This is like the foundation of our D/s or you would like me to say DD/lg relationship and lifestyle. Structure is maintained through communication. I have learned I love structure and I have learned structure coming from the man I love who is also dominant by nature is totally awesome and what I need. I am not one to be submissive to just anyone either. I definitely have submission in me but I need to let it  come out naturally and to someone I fully trust. (you) I have learned to be dominant over the years with good reason but when I was in highschool I was not this way.

Remember that communication just isn’t verbal. There are non verbal and body language as well. This can be a powerful tool when learned to do it right between us. Especially good in a public setting when you want to communicate in a dominant way without others knowing what is going on. That kind of communication could be VERY effective with me. But it needs to be well understood and learned. That is where clarity comes in.

Clarity helps define expectations between us. Clarity is the glue that binds all these floating expectations that we have formed about each other and brings them together in a better understanding. Right now I am trying to clarify my feelings to you. Hmm, good analogy in reference to us. I definitely put words down better when I write. We definitely have floating expectations with each other. I can be more submissive if I know concisely what you want. You know how this works. You say “ I want more control” Clarify what more control is. I say “ I want to be more submissive” I need to clarify my expectations on being submissive or you being more dominant which helps in my submission.

I have mentioned before that I like structure. Consistency flows through structure. One can’t have structure without consistency. it’s impossible. To have structure you have to have consistency.

STRICTLY enforcing rules and protocols at the beginning might be important now because of the inconsistency in the past. I now view things differently about you because of past inconsistency. I know you are dominant but I feel that because of missed rules and bratty actions that have have shown and no actions or dissaproval on your part that I can push you around. I KNOW that is really bad to say and feel, but it’s where it’s at. I m giving my true feelings. I know you are hesitant that you might go too far with your actions. I will let you know if things are going the wrong direction. You need to trust yourself. You are not the person you were 15-20 years ago. You are healthy, very smart, intelligent, reasonable and in tuned Dom. Now go forth and show me. ( yep. I m kinda topping from the bottom when it comes to my feelings regarding consistency) Consistency. It’s what we both want from each other.

I know that giving out consequence is the hard limit for you. You can get through this. Remember proper consequence for the action. Learning to master this one tool could be highly effective between us. When all is said and done, in the end. It’s just us. Our relationship. Yes, it is deeper than a vanilla relationship, much much kinkier than a vanilla relationship too. But when we are in bed together at night it’s me lying next to you. I get you. Trust yourself in this area, be who you have become. We have gone through soooo much stress and trials in the past we can work through this for sure. But it will take some of YOUR TIME and no excuses and my obedience and patience for this to happen.  Now I ll be a good little girl and we can play show and tell. You tell me what you want to see ;) and I ll show you.

A good submissive day:

Playful flirting  :)
Oh, and a good spanking wouldn’t be bad either.

Friday, May 9, 2014

Looking back I know now I needed a dominant leader.

This blog is to tell our story of our relationship that started out vanilla that is  now maturing into a loving D/s relationship.  I am not going to take you back to when I was married to my EX husband (VERY vanilla) and the problems we had. Though I will take you back to my life when I was going through a long exhausting divorce with him. There was an exact moment during my divorce that I knew I needed a dominant leader. In me I felt this but I couldn't explain it or even understand it myself. I went 14 years with my EX husband being very confused with my needs and trying my hardest to work things out.We have five children between us and like most moms I put my needs way after my kids. When our divorce was underway I remember standing outside with my EX husband in the driveway. I told him that I needed someone who could handle me. At the time I remember thinking that the word handled wasn't correct but I couldn't come up with another word to help him understand what I was feeling or needed. I had five children and was wanting a divorce. All he could respond with was "no one will be able to handle you."  I know I would not want to submit to a man like my EX husband.He does not deserve it. Especially what I have learned from my sweet MD over the years.

I knew at that moment I needed someone different. I was desperate for guidance. Someone to correct me when I was about to make a stupid mistake. I know I did and still need accountability and a husband who will help me see it through. I was needing a strong confidant guy. Someone who can calm me when I got upset. Someone who would be the head of the house. I needed a real leader. A husband who would take care of me when everything seems to be going wrong. I didn't want to do it all by mysel. I was done with being super mom. I wanted a COMPANION, a true relationship. I now have this wonderful, confidant, sweet dominant husband. Now. I need to learn to submit. I need to be everything he needs me to be. I want to submit to my husband but it is something I have to learn to do in a way that pleases MD. I am a natural submissive but through a long hard marriage to my EX husband and a society who teaches us to never need help from a man. (who came up with that any way?) Equal power for women. I have some retraining to do with myself.

It has been a very trying journey for the two of us. I would never ever have said that I was submissive till I met my current husband now of almost 10 years. he gives me the opportunity to learn to submit. He has much patience. maybe too much. That's for a later blog.  Don't think we met and went straight into a D/s relationship. It definitely didn't work that way. I have never been so loved, so adored as I am by my sweet husband. MD being dominant by nature I can feel his presence, he looks and speaks like a dominant in his sweet playful way. But we have to learn, grow, read and mature even more. I don't think we will reach a final goal and say "yep we're there. we reached that final destination of dominance and submission." I feel we will always be changing. Rules will be added, taken away. Respect and admiration will grow and be felt by both of us. This is a forever journey.

We would like to share our experiences along the way. I am not a writer like many other bloggers. I haven't taken writing classes. All I can offer is an honest blog and honest experiences.  MD is my sweet Master, husband and I am MDs girl, submissive and best of all we are eternal companions. Doing TTWD.