Looking back I know now I needed a dominant leader.

This blog is to tell our story of our relationship that started out vanilla that is  now maturing into a loving D/s relationship.  I am not going to take you back to when I was married to my EX husband (VERY vanilla) and the problems we had. Though I will take you back to my life when I was going through a long exhausting divorce with him. There was an exact moment during my divorce that I knew I needed a dominant leader. In me I felt this but I couldn't explain it or even understand it myself. I went 14 years with my EX husband being very confused with my needs and trying my hardest to work things out.We have five children between us and like most moms I put my needs way after my kids. When our divorce was underway I remember standing outside with my EX husband in the driveway. I told him that I needed someone who could handle me. At the time I remember thinking that the word handled wasn't correct but I couldn't come up with another word to help him understand what I was feeling or needed. I had five children and was wanting a divorce. All he could respond with was "no one will be able to handle you."  I know I would not want to submit to a man like my EX husband.He does not deserve it. Especially what I have learned from my sweet MD over the years.

I knew at that moment I needed someone different. I was desperate for guidance. Someone to correct me when I was about to make a stupid mistake. I know I did and still need accountability and a husband who will help me see it through. I was needing a strong confidant guy. Someone who can calm me when I got upset. Someone who would be the head of the house. I needed a real leader. A husband who would take care of me when everything seems to be going wrong. I didn't want to do it all by mysel. I was done with being super mom. I wanted a COMPANION, a true relationship. I now have this wonderful, confidant, sweet dominant husband. Now. I need to learn to submit. I need to be everything he needs me to be. I want to submit to my husband but it is something I have to learn to do in a way that pleases MD. I am a natural submissive but through a long hard marriage to my EX husband and a society who teaches us to never need help from a man. (who came up with that any way?) Equal power for women. I have some retraining to do with myself.

It has been a very trying journey for the two of us. I would never ever have said that I was submissive till I met my current husband now of almost 10 years. he gives me the opportunity to learn to submit. He has much patience. maybe too much. That's for a later blog.  Don't think we met and went straight into a D/s relationship. It definitely didn't work that way. I have never been so loved, so adored as I am by my sweet husband. MD being dominant by nature I can feel his presence, he looks and speaks like a dominant in his sweet playful way. But we have to learn, grow, read and mature even more. I don't think we will reach a final goal and say "yep we're there. we reached that final destination of dominance and submission." I feel we will always be changing. Rules will be added, taken away. Respect and admiration will grow and be felt by both of us. This is a forever journey.

We would like to share our experiences along the way. I am not a writer like many other bloggers. I haven't taken writing classes. All I can offer is an honest blog and honest experiences.  MD is my sweet Master, husband and I am MDs girl, submissive and best of all we are eternal companions. Doing TTWD.